Smart Sex, Smart Love with Dr Joe Kort

Dr. Carlton on Breaking the Taboo: Your complete guide to anal sex

April 26, 2021 Dr Joe Kort Season 1 Episode 84
Smart Sex, Smart Love with Dr Joe Kort
Dr. Carlton on Breaking the Taboo: Your complete guide to anal sex
Show Notes Transcript

It’s not conversation at the dinner table, but millions of people from all over the globe quietly are listening and learning about anal sex. It’s one of most talked about topics on social media, and a pleasure no one should be denied just because people think it is taboo, announces Dr. Carlton, a gastroenterologist from San Diego, California, who frequents TikTok to share his messages about anal sex. 

During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, he discussed the anatomy of anal sex, how to prepare for it, how to take preventive measures to ensure a safe experience, and what the secrets are to making it a pleasurable experience – one he describes as “rockets going off.”

So many people are embarrassed to talk about anal sex or ask questions about it, but let’s face it, most people want to know how to do it right, how to do it well, and how to do it safely. Who better to ask than a gay GI doctor? 

Everyone can – and should – enjoy anal sex – even women. And the G spot (there is one in anal sex) can be explosive. Remember to prepare for anal sex with lubrication; relaxation; lots of breathing; and light, slow pushing. Dr. Carlton shares many more secrets to having some of the best sex you’ll ever have through the anus.

Unknown Speaker  0:05  
Welcome to smart sex smart love. We're talking about sex goes beyond the taboos. And talking about love goes beyond the honeymoon. I'm Dr. Joe Cort. Thanks for tuning in. today's podcast title is breaking the taboo, your complete guide to anal sex. Today I'm very happy to welcome Dr. Carlton, a GI doctor from San Diego, California, who will be talking with me about breaking the taboo, your complete guide to anal sex. He will discuss the anatomy of anal sex, how to prepare for it secrets to making it better, and preventive measures to ensure it is a safe experience. Dr. Carlton is a gay gi doctor who was raised in a tobacco town and deep south. Somehow he made his way to training at the Mayo Clinic for a top tier medical education. He landed his dream job in San Diego, where he's married to an amazing guy and has two kids. While he serves the community's entire medical needs. He's particularly proud to serve the local LGBTQ community in San Diego as a resource for health care without judgment or shame. He stumbled on to Tic Tac during the pandemic, and realize the need and hunger for anal sex education. And not just from the LGBTQ family, but also from women and straight men. So many people are embarrassed to talk about anal sex or ask questions about it. But let's face it, most people want to know how to do it right how to do it well, and how to do it safely. Who better than to ask a GI Doctor Who naturally knows the medical side of things, but is no stranger to anal sex, anal sex himself. Welcome, Dr. Grossman.

Unknown Speaker  1:44  
Hey, Joe, thank you for having me today.

Unknown Speaker  1:46  
Well, I just want to thank First of all, I just want to thank you so much for welcoming me when I started to gain followers on Tiktok because that was all new to me. And it was happening so fast. And I think you reached out to me, didn't you? Yeah, did

Unknown Speaker  1:57  
I yeah, I saw you that you were you're posting some videos and you weren't quite sure how to walk the fine line set the walk on Tick Tock and I reminded you that hey, if you save this, you might get your video banned. And if you if you say it this way, it'll be fine. And and I think at that point, I had 100 more 1000 100,000 more followers and you and now you have 100 more 1000 500,000 more followers than me. I'm really, I'm really happy to see how successful you you've been in this whole venture pure and and that the great things you talk about.

Unknown Speaker  2:33  
Thank you so much. And same to you. It's I've been watching all your videos, I love them. And so why don't we get started in and talk about this taboo of anal sex and you know, you have all these Tick Tock followers and learning more about anal sex I think the first thing I just want to say is I always think about this that you have to call yourself the buck doctor on Tick Tock why

Unknown Speaker  2:54  
well, you know what, tick tock, you always have a you have to have a niche to to really stand out. And I'm the only one on there who seems to be you know, more focused on bad stuff than anybody else. So they actually took away the bad stuff hashtag on on talk now because I don't want the censorship issue is getting a little out of hand on there. I did a annual pap smear video. That was a cartoon on on Friday, and it got taken down within an hour because of it was considered pornography. And it was a cartoon showing how to do a proper Angel. Angel pap smear to detect HPV and the anus.

Unknown Speaker  3:40  
It's ridiculous. I saw your follow up video to that saying, Hey, this is medical. It's not even sexual. And you still took it down?

Unknown Speaker  3:46  
Yeah, I've seen a lot worse on Tick Tock Yeah, so anyway, so I you know, some of it I wonder how much of it is homophobia and people see it. They don't want to have that stuff seen on Tick tock, so they try to get it taken down. Or, you know, just it just bothers some people. They don't want to see that sort of thing. So they report them

Unknown Speaker  4:10  
will tell Alright, so let's start with what taboos do people encounter with anal sex?

Unknown Speaker  4:14  
Well, I think a lot of the taboos with sex in general go back towards religion to begin with. A lot of people are taught that that's you know, that, that anything outside of penis vaginal sex outside of marriage is just, you know, it's it's wrong. So there's this there's this taboo that comes from religion. I think for a lot of people. There's a there's also the poor taboo, you know, people people are afraid of poop. So when they, they don't even consider that they think of it as an exit only place to have sex and with men. There's a big masculinity component that comes with it. A lot of people fear that they're mad. The alinity will be lessened if they have any sort of buff play at all. Or they'll be considered gay or homosexual, just because they have their butt played with. And that's a tragedy because there's so many amazing nerve fibers down there that leads to so much pleasure. It's really sad that a lot of people miss that part of their bodies. I mean, our G spot is back there.

Unknown Speaker  5:23  
I know. Well, let's say we call it the P spot.

Unknown Speaker  5:26  
Well, I use both.

Unknown Speaker  5:29  
Now I have had straight men tell me that they don't wipe really deeply because they feel that it's gay. Have you heard people say

Unknown Speaker  5:35  
that? Oh, I've heard all kinds of things. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's, that's pretty. That's pretty sad,

Unknown Speaker  5:41  
isn't it?

Unknown Speaker  5:42  
Yeah.

Unknown Speaker  5:44  
It's just so to be I mean, you know, and, and to think that, you know, and I have my famous line that if people know my work that I say that your anus doesn't have a sexual orientation. It doesn't know whether it's gay, straight, or bi. It's an anus. It's a prostate. It just knows it has, like you say, lots of fibers and nerve endings. And it's just like, pleasure.

Unknown Speaker  6:04  
Right? And we all have one for the most part.

Unknown Speaker  6:09  
You know, here's a question here. Women also like anal sex, and they don't have prostate. So what is it that they enjoy?

Unknown Speaker  6:17  
You know that? That's a great question. And I actually, I've actually discussed that, that very topic with a lot of female podcasters. There are sensations because the urethral sponge is kind of reachable through penetration. So there is some intense pleasure back there. Some women are not able to orgasm through anal sex, but some are because of that stimulation of the urethral sponge that can happen. So, you know, there's it. There's definitely a lot of nerve fibers down there. There's definitely ways to make it easier and better and more enjoyable. And that's one of the things that I really specialize in talking about.

Unknown Speaker  7:09  
Yeah, you're very good at it. You're really and I learned a lot. I mean, I don't I mean, I'm a gay therapist. I'm a gay man, but anal play and anal stuff is not my thing. And I don't know a lot about it. People think I should because I'm gay. But I don't I've learned a lot. I mean, I my hope is from this podcast, people will find you on tik tok because, and you post regularly.

Unknown Speaker  7:30  
Yeah, definitely. Yeah. So yeah, yeah. So yeah, I think that it's really important to know that with all those nerve fibers down there, there's more than just there's penetrative, penetrative anal sex, that that can be pleasurable down there. You know, the external nerve fibers around the the anus are so intensely innervated that even a light touch or a light blow of an air feels good down there. As far as the anatomy goes, and that's a huge issue for a lot of people. You know, the first thing you get to externally is the external anal sphincter, and it's made of circular skeletal muscle. So it's actually controllable, you can actually clench and release that sphincter. Because it's made of skeletal muscle. Now, the internal anal sphincter, which is just a little bit further in is made of a circular smooth muscle that you don't have control over. So you can't with your brain, say, okay, open that up, or clench it down. But you can physically, one of the things that that has revolutionized a lot of people's anal sex lives is an exercise that I teach. I have it on my Instagram, but I also have it on Tick Tock as well. It's an exercise we use as physicians to be able to get in a little deeper to examine the prostate so that it's not so tight. So to loosen that tight sphincter area that's at rest very tight, thankfully, so that we don't have accidents and things like that and we go to the bathroom. If you lubricate your finger and slide it in about an inch, and put pressure over laterally to six o'clock or nine o'clock, or up or down at 12 o'clock or six o'clock and just hold it down. That tight ring that you're pressing down or pressing over starts relaxing. So the internal sphincter and the external sphincter both just start expanding and relaxing so that you can really get things relaxed and loose and open. The last thing that you want to do when it comes to penetrative anal sex. is going too fast, too hard without lubrication because you can actually damage the anus and tear it. And that's called an anal fissure. Right? Those are incredibly painful, they will end your session immediately. And the person receiving at that point who gets injured could be out of commission for months when it comes to anal sex. So it's very important to use the stretch technique. I call it the buck clock. Because you know, use the different locations on the clock to be able to stretch out your anus. lubrication is really, really key. I am a big fan of silicone lube because it's safe for condom use for latex, silicone and water based lubes are safe for latex but oil based lives are not. So if you're in a non monogamous situation where you are worried about STDs or pregnancy, or pregnancy either way, even if you're monogamous, then the obviously you're not going to worry about pregnancy with anal sex. But in general, with condoms, one of the things I teach about on Tick Tock is you can't use oil based lubes on latex because they'll break down. And a lot of people aren't aware that they'll use baby oil, they use coconut oil on top of a condom or that it could be more easily break that way. So that's that's one of the things you have to be aware of. So if you're using if you're using latex, then silicone based lubes, or water based lubes are great, I don't like water based as much for anal because water based lubes tend to get absorbed a little bit in the rectum. And that leaves behind sort of a gummy texture. And you have to reapply and reapply, reapply. But silicone based lubes are really good at keeping things really slick. And it also does a good job of covering any sort of irritation down there so that it's more comfortable as well.

Unknown Speaker  12:08  
Are there secrets that you know about that you teach? making it more pleasurable?

Unknown Speaker  12:13  
Well, I you know, I think that the biggest thing that we talk about with the with the secrets is definitely the the relaxation, part of things is key for getting people to relax. The first couple of minutes of bottoming for whoever is receiving is definitely a little bit more harrowing, depending on especially depending on what you're taking. If you're if you're on the receiving end of a very thick penis, or very long penis, then it takes a lot of relaxation to be able to make that happen. So I recommend for people to use the lubrication technique, use the relaxation technique, but start on top. Because that way you control how fast a penis enters your rectum. how deep it goes, how, how quickly it goes, so that you don't get injured. So you're able to relax. You know, I definitely teach breathing, breathing is really important breathing makes everything relax and open up. And so once you get to the point where you have taken it all that you can take and your breathing and, and and things have loosened up a little bit, you definitely can either stay on top, which is really hot, or you can let the top takeover so that you know start changing positions and start changing. Changing the app a little bit. That just prevents injury more than anything but it also makes it you know, when you're not hurting when you're bottoming it's definitely a lot more enjoyable.

Unknown Speaker  13:59  
You know, it makes you wonder how anybody can how anyone actually does it over time they in the beginning, it must be super awkward and super hips all kinds of problems for people would have you heard about that? In the very beginning the people use may be spent because Brokeback Mountain showed a guy just spitting out his hand. I mean, that wasn't realistic, was it?

Unknown Speaker  14:18  
Not at all? I mean, anybody who saw that realize how that had to hurt. Right? Yeah, so you know you need adequate lubrication. also preparing for it. Now some people are lucky in that they're able to just eat a great high fiber diet or take a fiber supplement and they don't really need to clean out that much. But a lot of people especially in the gay community, to really get it right. It takes some preparation with some what we call warm water dishing. It's basically using an in an MMO with tap water that's lukewarm, that you there's even shower attachments you can attach to your shower to make it a little bit easier. But you basically Insert water up into your rectum and flush out what's in there. So that there's nothing in the way. So that you know, the good thing about that as well as not only is it it makes it more pleasurable for the bottom. But a lot of times people get really can get really messy down there, which interrupts the activity, which this, you know, this, sometimes the smell becomes a factor for some people. You know, one of the big things I always want to, to express about anal sex is that sometimes shit happens. I mean, that's where it comes out, right? Yeah. So we can't we can't be little or, or shame people who have that happen during anal sex, because that's natural and normal. But we can do our best to try to prevent it from happening by a little preparation.

Unknown Speaker  15:56  
Um, do you think I'm just thinking about how and I remember, like, maybe this was 20 years ago, it seems now where all the younger people were doing it more and more like, I think because of sex education. They were like, well, if you do it on the board, it's not really, you know, losing your virginity as they would call it. And do you think more millennials even today are doing it more than ever before? Or is it all the same? I

Unknown Speaker  16:18  
think it's I think a lot more Millennials are doing it not only not only in the gay community, but also straight millennials. There's even a big thing now, you know, pegging where women, young women or women in general, can put on a strap on dildo and penetrate their male partners who are who consider themselves straight. So that's definitely something that's becoming more and more practiced. And if you look through tik tok and even Instagram, you can see a lot more hashtags with that stuff. So the access to education for all these young millennials, and young people today is just so much more than we had when we were their age, you know, the world is at their fingertips, they can learn about anything. So,

Unknown Speaker  17:21  
you know, I've been, the whole pegging thing has gotten a lot more popular. And I always thought, so I'm a therapist, right? So I see people who are in crisis or problems. So I have these straight couples coming in. And the whole idea of her at the guy wanting to peg and her doing it, she ends up seeing him as more beta less alpha, you gay, are you Bi? And so I thought that most women were not into it. And then there was a survey or a study, a robust study done by my colleague, Justin Lee Miller, was this book called Tell me what you want. And in it, over 60% of the women said that they enjoyed and wanted to peg their spouse. Did you ever hear that?

Unknown Speaker  18:00  
I didn't realize it was that high. That's, that's some, that's some great knowledge that was shot.

Unknown Speaker  18:05  
And I'm like, Well, what a slap in the face. Cuz as a therapist, you think, well, what you're seeing in the room is what's happening in the reality of the world. But that's not always the case at all.

Unknown Speaker  18:14  
Yeah, I mean, it'd be interesting to find out the statistics on how many of the male partners desire to be pegged.

Unknown Speaker  18:24  
I know. And, you know, so I see these other men that are too afraid to tell women or ashamed, or they get shamed. So they end up turning to men. And, you know, this is my whole thing, right? They're getting right. You're receiving anal sex for men, but it's not about the guy. They just like the prostate massage.

Unknown Speaker  18:42  
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's, you know, for for a lot of guys, anyway, a lot of sex is about the act. Not about the attachment to the act. Exactly. So definitely, I think that i think that's very interesting.

Unknown Speaker  18:58  
Yeah, I mean, it's, it's so complex and so taboo. I mean, I just think it's so important that you're talking about it and you're being more you're helping people be more open about it. Do you get a lot of feedback,

Unknown Speaker  19:09  
a tremendous amount of feedback, and it's not just in one of the things that really shocked me was when I first put videos out on tik tok, and woke up the next day and looked at my, my numbers on the videos. I had like 50,000 new followers and like a million views and I was like, wait a minute, I've hit a nerve here. It must be all the gay guys on tik tok. And then I looked a little deeper and over half of my followers were women. And so I knew that this you know, wow, this is you know, this is stuff that people need to talk about or haven't been taught in school. I mean, we we get zero education about anal sex in school. At least we you know, when I was growing up, we got we got zero. I have a feeling is pretty much the same today. So people people want to learn they want to know

Unknown Speaker  19:59  
I had no idea that You had such high numbers so quickly that had to be shocking to wake up to that.

Unknown Speaker  20:04  
It was it was crazy. Yeah, I didn't know what to do. And and I said, I automatically assumed all this is definitely just, you know, one group of people, but no, I looked at it, and it was straight men and straight women and gay men and just, you know, the desire for education blows me away. And one of the things that's really crucial that's come out of this whole thing is the places around the world that are seeing this, huh. countries like Iran, Saudi Arabia, some countries in Africa where you can be executed for being homosexual. Yeah. They don't get education about this stuff. And so a lot of them are using my videos to learn about how to do things properly, but also about the things that can go wrong, you know, STI 's and things like that. I've had a guy terrified in Saudi Arabia saying I had unprotected anal sex last week. And if I go to the doctor, and show him the sword that's on my blood, I'm afraid that they're going to execute me. And so I'll say, Well, you know, send me a vanishing picture on Instagram, just so I can see what it is. And and I can tell you if you need to be worried or not, and it'll turn out to be like a hemorrhoid. And to be able to take somebodies you know, worries and fears away that quickly over something so simple. You know, we just don't realize the freedoms we have in this country.

Unknown Speaker  21:35  
I know, I've been watching some of your videos, and you had messages sent to you about how people can be executed. And it's awful. What do you do? When people talk about psychologically bottoming makes them feel too submissive or ashamed or feminine? Do you talk through that with people?

Unknown Speaker  21:56  
You know, I always reassure people that that just like you said that anal sex doesn't have a gender or sexuality, defining masculinity or femininity, you know, we all have an anus, it should, you know, if we desire to be pleasured there, it doesn't make us any less of a man or a woman. I talk them through that whole aspect of the pleasure centers in our body and you really can't deny yourself pleasure since because of taboos.

Unknown Speaker  22:33  
Right, I agree with you 100%.

Unknown Speaker  22:35  
What else would

Unknown Speaker  22:36  
you want people to hear that you know, would stumble upon you? It's an important message that you'd want to make sure it got out.

Unknown Speaker  22:45  
I think the biggest thing is, you know, just what we said there about the gender and sexuality issue and masculinity issue. But the fact that straight men are missing a big component of their sexual pleasure by not exploring. what's what's back there. I mean, yeah, that G spot, it's only a few inches in it, you know, it's not a big mess to get up in there. So, just to explain the G spot a little bit more, well, yeah. Yeah, so if a man has bent over a table, and the doctor sued a prostate exam, the doctor inserts the finger into the anus, about two inches and presses down. And so the prostate is going to be around six o'clock right there, write down so that you get a feel the prostate with a pad of your of your index finger down. Now, if a man has on his back, and say, say, say someone's giving him oral, oral sex, if you slide your finger and with the pad up at 12 o'clock, about two inches in, then that's where the prostate is going to be. So a gentle little come hither motion at 12 o'clock, is where the prostate is and always judge the cues from your partner as to Is it too rough? Is it not not rough enough? You know, definitely don't go in there with pointy or sharp fingernails, because you don't want to scratch anything or make anything. Tear. But if you lubricate your finger and stick it in and with the pad up and stimulate the prostate while you simultaneously give oral I think I didn't know what heaven was until my first boyfriend did that to me the first time. I mean, it was like rockets went off. I mean, wow. And it saddens me that somebody would ever miss out on that because I think that it makes them less of a man.

Unknown Speaker  24:56  
It's sad and it's infuriating. It's infused this whole male script gain is so infuriating, and it just it would men lose. everybody loses from that. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker  25:05  
Yeah, absolutely. If this pandemic has taught us anything, life is short, it's unpredictable. Make the most of the time you've got enjoy yourself, enjoy your body, enjoy your partner, enjoy your life.

Unknown Speaker  25:19  
I love that. Any final thoughts for the listeners about you and your work?

Unknown Speaker  25:26  
I'll just, you know, I'm striving every day to try to try to come up with content to try to make an impact on things I've, I've recently become more vocal about prep, which is pre exposure prophylaxis, which is a key component for protecting our community against HIV. I've also become a very vocal proponent of ending the stigma of HIV by making sure that everyone knows that undetectable equals on transmittable. So someone's positive but undetectable, they can't transmit the virus so they shouldn't be discriminated against.

Unknown Speaker  26:07  
I like that, you know what people are saying to me, and I don't have the answer that so I'm glad to ask you this. Okay, undetectable means on transmittable. And they're when they're taking their medication the way they should, but how long? Like what if someone stopped doing it for how long would it take before they were transmittable? Again? That's the people out?

Unknown Speaker  26:22  
Well, yeah, I mean, it could be even a couple of days, you know, so you depends on the medication, it depends on on the person. But usually if someone's HIV positive, and they're honest enough with you to disclose that fact, and, and they're on top of their, their HIV status, they're probably going to be honest with you about about that factor. And it always comes down in my opinion as well that your protection is always on you. So if you are using prep or not using prep or using a condom or not using a condom, that's your personal choice. And that all boils down to you can't always blame or pin that on anyone else. If you have something that happens to you, you have to protect yourself the best that you can.

Unknown Speaker  27:15  
Yeah, I love that. Thank you so much. I'm telling you, I want people the listeners to hear that you're very passionate about what you do every single video. I just feel like you're putting your all into and so how can people find you so that they can see what I'm saying?

Unknown Speaker  27:30  
Thank you. I'm at Dr. Carlton on Instagram and on tik tok. So that's D OC to our car. lt o n. So Dr. Carlton. All one word. My Twitter. It's Dr. underscore Carlton. Sadly that was taken. And then I building a website called Dr. Carlton dotnet. It's not quite back up. Not quite up yet, but it'll be up soon. Good. So yeah, so so Tick Tock and Instagram are the best ways to catch my stuff. Also, I'm very responsive on my messages. So especially on Instagram, if you send me a message on Instagram, I'm going to read it, I'm going to respond to you.

Unknown Speaker  28:14  
That's great to know. And that was true for me when I hit reach. Oh, you reach out to me. And then when I reached out to you, you were very responsive. Thank you. I really appreciate it. Dr. Carlton for joining me today on smart sex smart love. And if you want to hear more of my podcasts, you can go to smart sex smart, love calm. And you can also follow me on Twitter, tik tok, Instagram and Facebook. You just have to go to Dr. Joe court. That's Jo e. k o r t. Thanks for listening. And until next time, stay safe and stay healthy. Thanks for listening to this episode of smart sex smart love. I'm Dr. Joe court. You can find me on Joe court. com. That's jekrt.com See you next time.

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