Couples often are so focused on lasting long enough in bed that they end up experiencing performance anxiety and the shame and worry that accompanies those feelings. The result: a bad bedroom outcome. But this can change! During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Joe Kort talked with Jeff Abraham, CEO of Promescent, who offers some advice for lasting longer in the bedroom and having better intimacy. Anxiety is the number one reason therapists see individuals dealing with sexual dysfunction, and many express their worries about premature ejaculation. The bedroom experience should be stress-free, romantic, empowering, safe and full of explosive happiness. Sometimes, couples need some additional tools to make that happen.
JOE KORT 0:07
Welcome to Smart sex smart love. We're talking about sex goes beyond the taboo, and talking about love goes beyond the honeymoon. today's podcast is how to last longer in bed. My guest today is Jeff Abraham, the CEO of absorption pharmaceuticals, the corporation that created promising a line of sexual wellness products for individuals and couples wanting to improve their pleasure and performance in every aspects of their lives. After retiring from a successful career, running a semiconductor engineering business, Jeffrey turned to the workforce and invested in promise end. In 2012, he became the company CEO, taking promises from a boutique brand available for purchase from physician websites to a global wellness company. Jeff is here with me today to talk about the orgasm gap between men and women, and why partner sexual pleasure is important in a relationship. Welcome, Jeff. My pleasure to be here. Did I say it right? Promise sent pro Motion Pro messent.
Jeff Abraham 1:10
Got Well, alright, so I knew I'd screw it up in my practice right before. So tell us a little bit about it. What what is promised from Essent pro message, the actual delay spray, we have a whole line of products, but we're focusing on our primary product and the one that literally brought us into the market and made us who we are is a male delay spray. And the reason why we're different because there had been male look, delay sprays primarily lidocaine prior to progress it the drawback, and the difficulty was it allows you to last longer it increases ie LT which is inner jacket Tory latency time, but at the expense of completely numbing you up and also numbing your partner. And I tell people, you know, obviously intimacy and sex is all about pleasure. And if all you're doing is you're both moving and sweating and without, obviously feeling anything receiving pleasure, you might as well take a spin class or a yoga class, because it's all the same thing. So basically, what Dr. Ronald Gilbert is the founder of our company, he was a home hospital urologist, he often happened to be my neighbor, my friend, my doctor, you know, he is kind of the Swiss Army Knife all rolled into one. So I went in to see him one day in 2010 for my yearly physical, and he said, Hey, I invented this product. I'd like to get your opinion. You know, I know you're very savvy, retired at a young age. Okay, great. And I said what is it he says I developed a
cure for treatment for PE and I go you developed a treatment for physical education, because I'm 64 Now at the time I was 53 I naturally referred to PE as you know, physical education, there's no premature ejaculation at all like Ed is erectile dysfunction. Yeah, you know, one thing led to another. So what he had done which was sheer brilliance is lidocaine in its, you know, pure form is a solid, it's a crystal. So when you apply it to the skin, it just sits on the surface of the skin, and it numbs you and it numbs your partner. But, Ron, in conjunction with a PhD organic chemist, change the crystalline structure of lidocaine when it's suspended in this eutectic formula, it becomes oil aqueous when it becomes oil aqueous it penetrates the dermis or stratum corneum the outer layer of your skin so it goes into the fatty tissue underneath, giving you the control, decreasing sensitivity, but allowing the man to have a higher degree of surface sensitivity and because it's subdermal, it doesn't transfer to the female partner. So that one subtle change turned a Ford Taurus into a Ferrari. Okay, make no mistake about it. We are absolutely the best product out on the market. But it is strictly that there's no other secret sauce formula other net that is the whole basis of progressive. It's very key. And it's it's crucial and it works. So is pure genius. And you know, lidocaine delay sprays had been around for 40 years, but no one had the, you know, fortitude to you know, really see this thing through and take the time. And you know, it's interesting because Ron was a urologist and one of the reasons that he did this was because, you know, when people came to see him for Edie, he had Viagra, Cialis, Levitra Stendra trimax. Extensions, they came to see him for prostate issues, he had four to five cures, they came to see him for incontinence, he's got four to five options. They came to see him for PE he had two options number one, were these numbing creams like EMLA which basically completely numb you out. The other option was an off label use of SSRIs and like if you're like me when someone first said that to me, I go what's an SSRI you know, non medical person then someone said all that's a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor I go you're getting further away from me understanding this not closer. I don't know what that is. They're referred to as the depression drugs or Paxil pro
Zach, all those types of drugs, they allow you to last longer. No question about it. You know, again, we're talking. I just want to stop you because I know that people are listening, you're going way, way. Premature ejaculation. What is that? So I want to just make sure everyone understands that it's when a man ejaculate sooner than later and too soon for him and too soon for a partner. And that's a good point. Right? A lot of times people even get confused over what exactly is PE the definition. Right. And I will tell you that I SSM and SMS Na, which is the International Society of Sexual Medicine, and the Sexual Medicine society in North America whose conference I was at all last weekend in Scottsdale, they for many years did a disservice because they literally said that PE was when you never last more than 90 seconds, whether it's vaginal penetration, masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, so you can never ever last more than 90 seconds. And I really think that was a disservice. Because if you last two minutes, or two and a half minutes, and you don't last long enough to, you know, satisfy your partner, then you may need something. And by definition, I think it should be more relaxed, and it should be if lasting longer would be beneficial to your well being and your partner satisfaction, then it's okay to go seek help, you know, and not like this narrow definition. But these
JOE KORT 6:24
are so so these days, let me just say, so these days, you're right, what we're doing a sex therapist is individualizing and customizing and tailor making the therapy. But I want to go back to something else you said which is that we often stopped, we had stopped giving these numbing creams, you know, those those numbing creams are all over you can go to a gas station, I think and get I don't know every
other partner, right? So whether they're male or female, the man may be able to remain longer and feel some sensation. But she or he or they do not. And that's right. And I applaud you for that. Because I've always said, Why should there be a universal universal definition of what you need to achieve? Maximum intimacy or pleasure, it should be more subjective and look at the individual couple. I know couples that demand last a minute and a half, two minutes, because the woman orgasms quite liberally, and they have no issue that they're happy with it. So don't put this definition it should be basically evaluating the couple, the man woman or man man or whoever the couple is, and saying would you benefit by additional foreplay, but just when we're talking about heterosexual couples, I'll tell you something that is just mind blowing, let's step out of the realm of PE and let's just talk about men and women in general, the average healthy adult male last five minutes and 42 seconds during penetration or thrusting during intercourse, the average healthy female laughs or takes 18 minutes to achieve climax during penetration thrusting. And so people were used to using a lot of these coping mechanisms. Stop start think about baseball scores. Think about your grandmother, you know, you know, and every man at some point or another in his life has gone through the spirits. Oh my God, I hope she doesn't go reverse cowgirl. Oh my God, I hope that's all my you know, but a lot of times people just programmed to think Well, that's what you have to do. There's no, there's no real shame in saying, you know, I would benefit if I didn't have to have these coping mechanisms, coping mechanisms. There wasn't a little guy on my shoulder on Oh God, not yet. I hope he doesn't do this. Because that's anxiety. Anxiety and intimacy are two completely separate emotions. And I don't know about other people. But for me, anxiety would really truly be a bummer towards intimacy. When I'm in intimacy. I don't want anxiety. Okay, I want to feel pleasure I want to feel reckless abandon. I want to feel relaxation and not anxiety. Well, actually, anxiety is the number one. You know, there can be physiological and other issues. But anxiety is the number one reason we see in our therapy rooms. And that's what you treat that they come in for, you know, sexual dysfunction. When the sexual dysfunction is secondary, like you said, to the anxiety, it overrides slowly. And I always tell a lot of men that you know, when I have consultations with them, or I'm speaking to customers, and they're asked me questions, and they do suffer from rapid or premature ejaculation. I have the same where I said put one in the bank before you ever worry about your own pleasure. They go, what does that mean? I go give your partner an orgasm, whether it be digitally, whether it be vaginally with a vibrator or whatever. Because that anxiety if you do have a tendency to prematurely or rapidly ejaculate. I think you're already focused when you start intercourse. It's like oh my god, can I last long enough to give her an orgasm? And I tell people that even though premature ejaculation is something that is happening to the male the effect is as pronounced if not more pronounced for the female because of a man rapidly ejaculate. He's still a Jackie lating he's still climaxing the woman's like, Excuse me, I'm over here. What about me? Right and I think that anxiety and that shame feeds into
Jeff Abraham 10:00
It creates more of a chance of rapid ejaculation because you're so focused on it. So I tell people, like it's a saying that put one in the bank so to speak. If you give your partner an orgasm prior to worrying about your own pleasure, you're going to be more relaxed, and you'll have a higher probability of actually satisfying your partner again, because you don't have that built in trigger that built in anxiety, that mechanism they're going oh my god, oh, my god, can I last long enough? So and it right? Yeah, I think also people need to know that it's really only 75 or 25% of women can have a vaginal orgasm. So sometimes you could keep going on and on and on. And it will never happen because it's not supposed to happen. That's a great point. If you look at a female, you know, anatomy, the clitoris is not really inside the vagina, okay, it's on top. So there's a very good chance, like you said, there I've seen estimates from 20 to 30 35%. But right in that 25% range, that women are not going to achieve climax through penetration or thrusting. So men, take a step back, focus on just giving your partner pleasure, orally manually with a vibrator with a sex toy, whatever, okay? And don't have that focus, because 75% of time, you're going to be very disappointed. In fact, 100% of the time was certain women, you're going to be very disappointed. They don't really know orgasm through, you know, vaginal penetration. Have you ever heard of the book, Ian KRunner wrote in a while back now she comes down first. Yeah, he is very good friend of mine. Yeah. I was grateful. Because it likes what you're saying. The idea is take care of her first, then she satisfied and now you can take care of yourself and women will be patient with that. Absolutely. Well, I met Ian in 2011. He did a big blog on Sanjay Gupta, his medical blog on CNN all about PE and featured us and go Who is this guy? I just taken over the company coming from a semiconductor injury. I was like, So I emailed him. He was very, very humble, very cooperative. And I was like, I can't thank you enough. He goes, Hey, your product is the best thing out there. I've done my research, you know, and I was like, Oh, cool. Yeah. And so we met. I don't know if you ever met him? He is wonderful. Yeah. Yes. Such a great guy. And, you know, it's really interesting, because
he is one of the people that out of everyone I've met in this business I have the highest degree of respect for because he really truly is in it for one reason to help people help people have better intimacy. Yeah, I have that book on my bedside. Now. Here's the funny part. So I have a son who's 32 Now, but without me even telling him I went over his house one day, he was 23 ran out of college, ice and Kirchner's book on his nightstand. And I'm like, what? And I'm like, Hey, I really applaud that. He goes, Dad, I you know, want to educate myself. And I think it's important. And I was so proud of my son for that young age, because not being this testosterone bashing. Oh, you know, I yeah, I'm Mr. viro, you know, and I told he, and he got a big kick out of that, you know, yeah, and, but we need more people like yourself, and like Ian, who very calmly state take a step back and go, let's really analyze what we're talking about, you know, let's get rid of the myth, the shame, you know, all of the guilt. And let's just talk about pleasuring your woman. And
JOE KORT 13:22
what are the side effects from this, people are gonna say, Well, what about what's going to happen? How long do I stay numb? And what is there any other side effects?
Jeff Abraham 13:30
It's amazing. Okay, the effect lasts from 45 minutes to an hour. Okay, which is certainly more than enough time to get the job done. In fact, I tell people, if you go more than that, you better start worrying about technique and not about lasting longer, you know, yeah. And so the side effects are absolutely minimal. Lidocaine has been around for I mean, 6070 years is covered under a monograph, that's how safe it is. And you know, we did it,
JOE KORT 13:57
what does that mean? A
Jeff Abraham 13:58
monograph. Okay, so, if it's a novel drug, and there hasn't been enough studies on it, you go through a full scale FDA clinical trial, if the combination of ingredients in your product have been around for a specified period of time, with literally, you know, no known side effects, you're covered under a monograph because the FDA says we are so comfortable with this after a prolonged period of usage that we know there's no severe side effects, and that we've been on the market commercially. Now. A little over 10 years, I think 10 and a half years, we've sold over a million bottles, okay. And like every pharmaceutical company, we have a contra indications line that if you do have severe side effects, you call them you know, that kind of thing. Yeah, the only calls we've had in the history 10 and a half years and over a million bottles are hey, if I want to get my wife pregnant, is this okay to use gives it okay to use this with a condom. You know, that kind of stuff? Yeah, if I have an allergy to lidocaine, is it okay to use this and even if you have an allergy to light Again, you're fine using progressive, just know you might get a little itching might get a little bit of a rash, you know, that type of stuff. So it is extremely safe. And it's very effective. The efficacy is very, very high on it.
JOE KORT 15:12
I also like that you added anal sex because I think gay men, and just even heterosexual sex couples where they're having anal sex could benefit from this, and there's no nothing to the partner receiving a no sex.
Jeff Abraham 15:22
Correct. Now, the reason there isn't, because after you apply it, you wait seven minutes, seven to 10 minutes until it absorbs. So you do have to use it properly. You know, if you spray it on, that's why if you see a lot of our apps, I tell people, no matter where you want to buy it, because we have a website, you know where it's for sale, where we do really, really well, we're on all kinds of other sites, we're in retail, I tell people start at the website, because there are testimonials, it shows you how to properly use it, it comes in a meter dose spray bottle, so you get the exact amount every time. So that way you can titrate it, I need two sprays, I need three sprays, I need four, depending using recreationally I need one spray. So I always tell people start at the website, because number one, I want you to make sure you're using the right product for the right reasons. Number two, I want to make sure you're using it correctly. That's important.
JOE KORT 16:13
It's so important. I just want to make sure people are really clear, we are not talking about erectile dysfunction, this is not give you an erection. We're not talking about delayed ejaculation. We're only talking about what's called Rapid ejaculation. PE premature ejaculation. And it's when it's when it happens too fast. I just want people to know that because they listen to this, and they're gonna get confused. I think
Jeff Abraham 16:36
I literally sometimes have amazed because I have people, literally because you'll laugh on a test, we have this interactive chat feature on our site. And I work it personally a couple hours a week and people go You're that short staffed, they go no, we have plenty of people to do that. It's important for me as the CEO of this company to be in touch with people who use our product. I want to know how they found it, you know? Like, did you hear a podcast? Did you see an ad? Did your doctor tell you that kind of stuff? It's important. I want to know what else you've used, it's very important for me to understand our place in this whole food chain. You know, I mean, not only how you find us, you know what you're going to use, you know, all that kind of stuff. I am shocked at how people are on our site and everything else. And they're like, well, this helps me get an erection right. And I'm like, Excuse me? What part of it? There's nothing what. But you're right. It's very important, because I think part of the thing is, people are afraid and they don't want to talk about it publicly. And there's a lot of misinformation out there. And, you know, we couldn't be any clearer. This particular product, you know, a promising delay spray does not help you get an erection. What it helps you do solely is not ejaculate prematurely or rapidly and allows you to have more time, you know, during intercourse or during oral sex or whatever type of sex you're having anal sex to satisfy your partner. And that's
Unknown Speaker 18:00
the most important thing. I like that. Yes. And I might even include that there are things you can do like edging. And so before you use this product, I mean I think the products great, but I think those other things could work too. And if they don't then the product what do you think that I
Jeff Abraham 18:14
tell people you're it's funny you and I are on the same wavelength. I tell people what you want to do in any situation is start with the least you know invasive the absolute easiest way to strengthen your pec muscles. And a lot of men go that's for women. No, it's not it's for
JOE KORT 18:30
men to see my muscle set. What
Jeff Abraham 18:33
does that pubic coccyx as muscle, okay? And it's the actual muscle that you flex when you're urinating, you know, I mean, and a lot of men have a hard time coming into you know, realization they have one and feeling it because I know 11 years ago when I first started this a couple urologist a therapist told me you know oh you know try go men have I didn't know and I remember the first couple of times I go is that is that it and then you start getting the feeling and I'll tell you right now and being 64 years old, med strengthen your pc muscles no matter what it helps you with urinary control. It actually helps you with more intense orgasms that helps you with control of your agenda there is if you're going to the gym, and this is the beauty You don't have to go to a gym there's no machine in a gym to strengthen your pec muscles you can do it sitting at your computer you can do
JOE KORT 19:24
it wherever right now did you know that are you
Jeff Abraham 19:27
well I wasn't but now that I think about it, let me know Yeah, okay, there we go. You know, I mean, it really is so basic. And a lot of men are intimidated well that's for women I don't know it's for you have a PC muscle and you have benefits even not you have sexual benefits from you know, writing it, but there are non sexual benefits as well love though, it's really important
JOE KORT 19:51
and a lot of men don't do a lot of straight men because they get confused their anal muscle, their PC, you know, and so then they don't want to do that anymore. muscle that's gay to them. I don't know if you know this, a lot of straight men are so worried about the anus and anything to do with that it's gay.
Jeff Abraham 20:07
Trust me, I grew up in a small coal mining town in western Pennsylvania. I know all about homophobia. I tell people sometimes I love being from there. I love my family. I love Pittsburgh sports going back, but I sometimes think I didn't move I escaped, okay. It's like, even now, the mindset is just wow. Yeah, my friends that are my age 64 Why are you involved in that, you know, I stopped having sex. 15 years ago, the wife just doesn't satisfy me. And I'm like, oh, boy, you know,
JOE KORT 20:34
about what you're promoting here. That's why I wanted to have you on the show. You're promoting sexual pleasure, but not just pleasure for the man. Pleasure for the woman and any partner. We're most of these products are all about him and not about her.
Jeff Abraham 20:46
I wish I was kidding. But if you will get the name of some of our competitors duration. You're gonna laugh when I tell you this. Study 100 with two, you know, you know, horses butting heads. Wait, brace yourself. Drumroll for this one. Do me long and hard. I'm like, does that just not signify some caveman dragging a woman back to the cave and going I'm gonna pound everything we do is about couples, relationship, couples enhancement, you know, and we don't care whether your partner is male, female, trans, whatever, okay. You can't be the liberal moral police. Okay, everyone is entitled to the maximum amount of pleasure in their life, whether it's, you know, sexually, you know, parent, you know, family, whatever, okay. And the bottom line is communication is the number one tool. And until you're open and honest about who you are, what you are, and what you face every day, you're not going to improve anything. So part of what we tell people is, talk to your partner, find out how you can have better intimacy with your partner, right? And then don't be afraid to seek out things that help you get better intimacy, one of the things that always makes me laugh, is we have a lot of men that will buy our product, and they will say, I gotta make sure my partner doesn't know I'm using this product. How do I make sure and I'm like, well, whoa, I go. I tell everyone, same thing. If you're close enough to be someone to be intimate with Him, and you're swapping bodily fluids, why would you want to hide something? Would you want someone hiding something from you? No. So therefore don't hide something with your partner. Couples? I don't know. It's just maybe it's because I'm 64. And, you know, I don't I'm not a millennial. I don't understand, you know, the miles
JOE KORT 22:32
through for people your age, too. And I think I wanted to say this that a lot of people think and I thought this too, when I first became a sex therapist technique, you know, product, but all those things are well, they're important sexual health conversations, sexual conversations have to happen. You don't just say well, I'm going to go do this. Like you said, not tell my partner or, or tell my partner and then just go do it. You have to have a discussion about it. How do you feel?
Jeff Abraham 22:55
Makes you feel more comfortable? Can you imagine the anxiety Oh, my God, I hope she hasn't tried to go down on me too quick before to seven minutes up. She may go numb. I mean, right. That's anxiety. But one of the things I don't understand, and this is something that blows my mind. I have never heard anyone feel shame if they're diabetic taking insulin. I've never heard any, you know, person with cancer, be ashamed of taking chemo. Okay, good point, let's step out of rapid or premature ejaculation. Just talking about the average healthy adult male, the average healthy adult female, the average, healthy adult male, last five minutes and 42 seconds during penetration or thrusting. The average female takes 18 minutes to climb, that there's actually a term people call the arousal gap. Why would you be so freaked out and going, Oh, my God, I have to hide this when you know, the majority of men suffer. And you know, there are men who are very fortunate who don't have any issue whatsoever. But you can have a bout of prostatitis and get acute. PE, you can literally and I tell people that if you go a rather long period of time without having sex, you're going to have a quicker trigger, because you haven't had a release in a while. If you're with a new partner, you're going to have a tendency to ejaculate more quickly, only because the senses are heightened. There's a lot more, you know, there's a lot more heightened desire, because there's the unfamiliar, you know, so we have people that say, you know, I love your product, I don't use it all the time. But if I'm with a new partner, if we haven't had sex, you know, my wife's on a business trip and she comes back I go on a business trip. It's a while in between. So there's even people that don't need it all the time that use it sporadically, you know, well, I
JOE KORT 24:34
like what you said, I like the first thing you said which was everything that you said but the first thing is make sure you go to the doctor to that you rule out anything physiological because you could be trying to treat something that isn't treatable this way. It's physiological.
Jeff Abraham 24:46
Not only that, what if what you're treating and you go well, I'm fine now because I'm treating this has larger health implications. What if you have diabetes, you know, and you're going I'm more worried about my PE that In my diabetes, let me tell you something, you may be able to treat your PE ignore your diabetes, but when you're dead, you're not going to really care whether you last long enough because you're gonna have no more consciousness. Okay? So the first thing you do is go to a physician and get a workup to make sure this isn't a symptom of some much larger health issue because a lot of times Edie is about heart issues, diabetes, you know, that kind of the same thing. So I always tell people, consult your number one your urologist or general practitioner, then when you know that it is a sexual issue, then consult a sex therapist, okay? Because a lot of these issues have a psychological component, right? Even if it starts with a physiological issue, there will be a psychological component that then comes in because of the coping mechanisms because of the anxiety and everything else. So what you don't want to do is just treat something you want to eradicate the problem if you can long term, and you may find out that doing PVC, doing edging, you know, stop, start really is all you need. And I make it an analogy, I say, if you have a candle and you want to put it out, don't immediately grab a fire hose. Okay, the fire hose will put out the candle, but your room's gonna be flooded, you're gonna have all these other issues. So start with a little drop of water. If that doesn't work, you know, get a watering can put it on the candle. Don't start putting the candle out with a firehose, okay, work your way up to that. Alright, so we have
JOE KORT 26:21
to end on that note, but before we do, let tell us Jeff, it's been great having you on our show. Where can they find this? I'm gonna say it wrong way premise it from acid permisson. Where can they find it? Where can they find you?
Jeff Abraham 26:33
Okay, you can find pro Mehsud. I always suggest starting our website. That's www dot promissing PPro measc end. So go there find out you're using it correctly for the right reasons. Right there. What's that.com or.org.com progressive.com We're just like Amazon, free shipping 60 day full money back guarantee for any reason. You can go buy it on Amazon. We have a huge presence on Amazon. You can go buy the delay spray, there's 1000 Walmart's it carry it there's every target that carries all the GNC is carry it. I mean, you can pretty much find it everywhere. There's a bunch of urologists that you listed on our site that actually carry it in some therapists in their office. Yeah. Okay, so you can do it in conjunction with a visit. So the first thing you do is you go to the website and educate yourself make sure you're buying it for the right reason and you'll see videos from Dr. Anthony Bell tunas. Mohit Kira is showing you proper usage why to use it all those kind of things, then you we don't care where you buy it. If it's the right product for you just buy it. Okay. Amazon, Walmart, Target GNC, us wherever, good now, if you want to contact me personally, I'm on Twitter and Instagram. It's Jeff Abraham, je FF A B ra h am Jeff Abraham 111. And I will tell you that I answer every email every question you can direct message me obviously you don't want it public. I will answer every one. You're welcome to, you know, email Dr. Joe, you're welcome to you know, reach out to you. You can pass it along. To me. This is so important that we educate people. Like I said, I answer every question No matter, right?
JOE KORT 28:16
We were Yep. And it's all gonna be on the website. They're gonna find it on there. So thank you so much, Jeff. We do have to go. I just want to say if you liked this podcast, and I hope you did, you'll rate it get online and rated for me. And you can hear more of my podcasts at Smart sex smart love.com And you can also follow me on Twitter, Tik Tok, Instagram and Facebook. It's at Dr. Joe court, Dr. J O E k o r t and you can go to my website joekrt.com Thanks for listening and until next time, stay safe and stay healthy.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai